scififanatic: (purple flower--black woman)
( Mar. 27th, 2009 08:05 pm)
Things have been rocky for me these last six weeks. I've been wrestling with a lot of demons but I'm slowly working my way out of the tangled mess of my mind, my fears. So far, my fitness goals the first quarter of the year have been shot to hell.

That means I've got 3 quarters of the year left to turn it around. I'm not one of those who believes the first time you break a New Year's resolution that you should forget about it until next year. No, I'll keep trying. I'm that stubborn. Also, my doctor felt I needed to take a different approach to my fitness goals.

Getting stuck in a routine doesn't work for me. For about 6 months last year, I worked out regularly and lost quite a few pounds, which I gained back this year. This time, my doctor suggested that I focus less on fitness and more on being active and being healthy (more so in mind).

I joined a hiking group, but it's not a group of die-hards who would feel weighed down by beginners. We're all beginners and we learn together. There are only three of us right now, all women but I find it comforting to meet with them, talk with them, explore with them, and just walk in silence with them.

In addition to hiking, I've also taken up a new activity--gardening. Partly inspired by the desire to move my body more often, partly inspired by my grad schoolmate's, Jade Park, experiences with gardening first here, then here, and finally here, and partly inspired by what my writing process has been teaching me this year--to write slowly, to listen to my environment and what it's telling me.

I spent six hours in the garden today. It didn't seem like a lot while I was working until my back screamed at me during dinner tonight. Screamed in a good way, of course. "You remembered us!" my muscles thanked me.

I cleaned, prepped, planted, and then I freaked out, much like the way I write: What if I messed up? Did I leave something out?! Will this work???...and so on. I learned today that I can't worry about the end product. All I can do is pour my heart, pour my best into the process with all the love and enthusiasm I've got. What happens later is really out of my hands.

And so, today, I let go and enjoyed myself. I let all of yesterday's worries dry out beneath the sun. I got my fingers dirty because gardening gloves just get in the way. I laughed, brushed away the spiders when they lost their way on my arms, pressed the seeds into the soil a quarter inch deep, a half inch deep, sometimes 3 inches deep; and each time I went into the earth I also went inside of myself to plant the things I've been denying myself lately: love, support, encouragement. "You are capable," the wind whispered.

Yes, I am. I am capable of great things and best of all--everyone on this earth is capable of the same thing. So, it is with great pride that I display my plots. Whether they grow or not is not the point because then I'd be missing the best discovery of all: I am capable.

I planted eggplant, tomato, basil, cucumber, radish, lettuce, spinach, and squash. Pictures beneath the cut )

I also planted mint, which freaked me out once I found out they're greedy with space. Who new something so sweet could be so sneaky? Luckily Jade Park reminded me that I can keep them under control by plucking them when they sprout. My mom planted onions, carrots, thyme, and parsley.

Tomorrow, I'm going to work in the garden again to plant brussels sprouts, artichoke, and bell pepper.

The earth is good.
.

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