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I had a conversation not long ago with my best friend, Charyl. What we were talking about, I can't exactly remember but I remember saying something like, "...because average women like us..." and that's where the conversation took a weird turn.
I've known Charyl since high school so there's not much I can't say to her, which is why the words came out with such ease. It wasn't an insult. In fact, I don't even think I gave what I was saying much thought (another thing you can do with a best friend--speak before thinking).
Before I could make my point, she abruptly interrupted me and said, "I'm not average. There's nothing average about me."
Her tone was the first clue. I had insulted her or hurt her feelings unintentionally.
"I didn't mean it that way," I sort of backpedaled. The weird thing is I had used that phrase before when referring to she and I or our entire circle of friends but at some point, Charyl had decided that she was not average and didn't want to be referred to in such general terms.
Since that conversation, I've thought about the word and how distasteful it really is. So many times, women think of themselves as not looking good enough as the models in magazines. We say things like, "the average women doesn't look like that!" without thinking that what we really mean is "stars/models/etc. look beautiful and the rest of us are just ordinary...average!"
This label isn't solely reserved for women. There's the Average Joe, the average person, the average size, the average salary, the average height, etc.
It seems to me that average is the place where so many people want to be, in a place of a middle where the expected happens. I guess it's not that different from people who say things like "normal." While I do think that there's nothing wrong with being normal in the sense that a person should strive for balance in life--peace, love, helpfulness, honesty, etc., I tend to take up my best friend's perspective. I don't want to be average. I'm not average and its taken me some time to learn that there's nothing wrong with that.
I've known Charyl since high school so there's not much I can't say to her, which is why the words came out with such ease. It wasn't an insult. In fact, I don't even think I gave what I was saying much thought (another thing you can do with a best friend--speak before thinking).
Before I could make my point, she abruptly interrupted me and said, "I'm not average. There's nothing average about me."
Her tone was the first clue. I had insulted her or hurt her feelings unintentionally.
"I didn't mean it that way," I sort of backpedaled. The weird thing is I had used that phrase before when referring to she and I or our entire circle of friends but at some point, Charyl had decided that she was not average and didn't want to be referred to in such general terms.
Since that conversation, I've thought about the word and how distasteful it really is. So many times, women think of themselves as not looking good enough as the models in magazines. We say things like, "the average women doesn't look like that!" without thinking that what we really mean is "stars/models/etc. look beautiful and the rest of us are just ordinary...average!"
This label isn't solely reserved for women. There's the Average Joe, the average person, the average size, the average salary, the average height, etc.
It seems to me that average is the place where so many people want to be, in a place of a middle where the expected happens. I guess it's not that different from people who say things like "normal." While I do think that there's nothing wrong with being normal in the sense that a person should strive for balance in life--peace, love, helpfulness, honesty, etc., I tend to take up my best friend's perspective. I don't want to be average. I'm not average and its taken me some time to learn that there's nothing wrong with that.