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Early Sunday evening, I had a nice conversation with a good friend from grad school. She and I were very close our first year. In fact, I don't think I would have made it through if not for her. She showed me kindness and gave me encouragement in difficult times. We've both seen each other at our best and our worst, both have gotten drunk together, laughed hysterically together, shared personal histories and stories, shed tears together. Our last year was full of stress and many memories that we were both happy to put behind us.
Tonight, as we were reflecting on those years, I started thinking about the meaning of friendship.
I have a different friend, Kristie, who says that in these modern times, the meaning of friendship is taken all too lightly. I wasn't quite convinced but now I'm starting to get what she meant.
Services like MySpace (and other services like this) where you add people as your friends and even discern those who are your "top friends" create a false sense of closeness. Even in this journal, I sometimes cringe to share my personal thoughts because after all, how well do you really know the people you add to such services?
This is why I mostly do not add people I haven't met at least once in real life (obviously excluding authors and other artists whose journals I enjoy reading). This internet can be a strange thing. I'm often in awe of how it brings people together in positive ways. I think, because people can connect so easily, that it's even more important to have a firm sense of what it means to be a friend.
For me, I believe it takes a while to get to know someone, to learn about the good and the bad in a person. (Though, I will admit that I can tell right away whether or not I'll get along with someone. There's just this aura each person carries and I'm often more sensitive to this plane of our human existence.)
In other words, I think it takes not only listening to what someone tells you but also observing how that person acts in many different settings, deconstructing those masks we wear. It takes time to be a friend, it takes seeing someone below the surface and still loving and accepting him or her for all the mistakes made. And there will be mistakes!
My closest friends: Kara (friend since pre-school), Charyl, Kristie, and Tabatha (friends since high school) are my rocks. Along the way through adulthood, I've been lucky to collect a few more precious stones. My best friend, Charyl, will always be my best friend, in spite of our recent disagreement. That's because you don't just throw people away, people who you know love you in spite of a heated argument.
How do I know she loves me? Because when I was homeless at 18, she took me in. That's not a fair weather friend. Likewise, when she was down and out, I gave (not lent--gave) her money and helped her buy groceries and let her borrow my car for job interviews. Again, as I was reminded by my conversation earlier this evening with this dear friend from grad school, it takes seeing someone at her best and her worst and never letting the minor things outweigh the major contributions someone makes to your life. I'll admit that I'm not always the bigger person. Sometimes, it takes me a few days to let go of petty arguments but in the end, I'm always grateful for the lesson.
That's because being someone's friend isn't a matter of adding them to a list. It's knowing you can count on people to be truthful to you and never betray that trust. I don't open up to people easily, not because I can't but because not everyone defines friendship the same way, just like not every person defines love the same way. I nearly jump for joy when I meet someone I can call a friend. Finding one and keeping one takes patience, kindness, openness, forgiveness. I learn these lessons everyday...from friends.
Tonight, as we were reflecting on those years, I started thinking about the meaning of friendship.
I have a different friend, Kristie, who says that in these modern times, the meaning of friendship is taken all too lightly. I wasn't quite convinced but now I'm starting to get what she meant.
Services like MySpace (and other services like this) where you add people as your friends and even discern those who are your "top friends" create a false sense of closeness. Even in this journal, I sometimes cringe to share my personal thoughts because after all, how well do you really know the people you add to such services?
This is why I mostly do not add people I haven't met at least once in real life (obviously excluding authors and other artists whose journals I enjoy reading). This internet can be a strange thing. I'm often in awe of how it brings people together in positive ways. I think, because people can connect so easily, that it's even more important to have a firm sense of what it means to be a friend.
For me, I believe it takes a while to get to know someone, to learn about the good and the bad in a person. (Though, I will admit that I can tell right away whether or not I'll get along with someone. There's just this aura each person carries and I'm often more sensitive to this plane of our human existence.)
In other words, I think it takes not only listening to what someone tells you but also observing how that person acts in many different settings, deconstructing those masks we wear. It takes time to be a friend, it takes seeing someone below the surface and still loving and accepting him or her for all the mistakes made. And there will be mistakes!
My closest friends: Kara (friend since pre-school), Charyl, Kristie, and Tabatha (friends since high school) are my rocks. Along the way through adulthood, I've been lucky to collect a few more precious stones. My best friend, Charyl, will always be my best friend, in spite of our recent disagreement. That's because you don't just throw people away, people who you know love you in spite of a heated argument.
How do I know she loves me? Because when I was homeless at 18, she took me in. That's not a fair weather friend. Likewise, when she was down and out, I gave (not lent--gave) her money and helped her buy groceries and let her borrow my car for job interviews. Again, as I was reminded by my conversation earlier this evening with this dear friend from grad school, it takes seeing someone at her best and her worst and never letting the minor things outweigh the major contributions someone makes to your life. I'll admit that I'm not always the bigger person. Sometimes, it takes me a few days to let go of petty arguments but in the end, I'm always grateful for the lesson.
That's because being someone's friend isn't a matter of adding them to a list. It's knowing you can count on people to be truthful to you and never betray that trust. I don't open up to people easily, not because I can't but because not everyone defines friendship the same way, just like not every person defines love the same way. I nearly jump for joy when I meet someone I can call a friend. Finding one and keeping one takes patience, kindness, openness, forgiveness. I learn these lessons everyday...from friends.
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